2 Thessalonians 3:13  But as for you, brethren,

                                       do not grow weary of doing good.

I think that those of us who choose, or are called to foster/adopt are trying to make a difference in the world and in the lives of children. But we sometimes grow weary. It is hard to stay positive and continue to persevere. When we FOSTER we have choices and resources for our children, many resources, lots of case workers, case managers, CASA,  medicaid to cover mental health issues, respite, day treatment and residential treatment if needed.

We then decide to adopt because again we are trying to do good for these children. But when we adopt, the choices of resources drastically decline. The case workers, case managers, CASA workers, mental health resources no longer are there for us or the child. We are now caring for the same damaged children with no resources.

When we sign papers to adopt they tell you that you will qualify for post adopt services. Not a lot of explanations for what that is or how to access it. These are the same children that the state placed with us with the same trauma and the same problems, but suddenly the State thinks that they don't need the same support and help.

So what happens is a few years down the line (usually when that child reaches puberty ) but sometimes before then, we start experiencing challenges with these children. What these challenges look like is, lying, defiance, stealing, hitting, threatening, running away, cutting, drugs, alcohol, sexually acting out, trouble at school and at home. The medicaid we are promised when we adopt is still there but now it has changed to Traditional medicaid and mental health is very limited. The one thing we need more of, they are now telling us we don't need as much because these kids are suddenly cured because they are now adopted.

So now we have to make a choice if they go to psychiatrist for meds management this month they will have to skip a couple of their therapy appointments. When they have to be hospitalized because they are a danger to self or others all of a sudden we are looking at 3 days instead of 10 days to two weeks. Even if they are still threatening they have to go home with you. What happens if we refuse to take them home. We are charged with child abandonment. So we are forced to take them home to watch the same thing happen over and over.

What do you do if you have a child that constantly hurts other children or themselves? You have taken all the steps to keep everyone safe including that child. Doctors, psychiatrist are recommending them to be in long term placement. But medicaid does not cover residential treatment, or even day treatment for adopted kids. You contact post adopt services and after filling out a stack of papers an inch thick and giving them copies of school reports, doctor, therapy and police reports they offer to pay for occasional respite. (But you have to find respite and this child is a danger so no one in their right mind wants this child to stay with them) or send you a book on parenting.

What do you do when your child has been in the State hospital only to be released because they say it is behavioral not mental health. They are released from juvie because they say it is mental health not behavioral. You have trouble working a job because of all the doctor appointment, therapy appointment, court dates, phone calls from the school. You are up all night because you and your spouse have to sleep in shifts to keep everyone safe.

You change therapist, medications, parenting tactics to try to help this child, to try and save them. You sit through hours of the latest parenting training for kids that have experienced trauma only to be told that this is if you have one child with trauma, it is not effective if you have more than one child with behavior issues.  You become ever vigilant watching for behaviors. You are forever patching holes in walls and replacing broken windows and household items.  You go to support groups, but are hesitant to talk about the chaos because you don't want to deter other families from their calling of helping these children.

You don't go places because of your child's behaviors. You stop visiting families and friends.

You have frequent flyer miles at the psych hospital and they know you by name when you walk in. The police are frequent guests in your home they even know where the coffee pot is. The school has you on speed dial.

What do you do? Where is the help? Where is all the support? You start counting the years until they turn 18. You spend every min of your day and night looking for something that will make a difference, something that will get through. You pray that you can make a difference, that something will click and things will change before they turn 18.

                          2 Thessalonians 3:13  But as for you, brethren,

                                       do not grow weary of doing good.

Pray for perseverance for an adoptive family today!