A few years ago we adopted a young lady at 16. She had spent most of her life in foster care and we were blessed to add her to our family. She has worked with teen groups and advocacy and was named as teen advocate of the year this year. She is an amazing and talented young lady. A couple of month's ago we attended a Conferance in California where she received her award. California is also where her bio family is. My heart sank as she asked to go have dinner and spend time with them. However she is an adult and she has those unanswered questions. So the 5 days we were there she visited with them twice. A few days after returning home I received a phone call from Precious and she was at the airport going to live with her bio family.
My heart felt like a whole was in it. Even though she is an adult she has been mine for the last 4 years. I have heard all the hard things she has lived through and went through the night mares and insecurities, the depression and the crying. She was safe here and now I had no control over if she was safe or not. Our house just felt different without Precious. Even though she had not been easy to be around the last few months she was missed. I was so worried for her safety and she deleted her face book so I couldnt even see what she was doing. That was a couple of months ago. All I can do is pray for her. I text her to tell her I love her, I miss her, IS she Ok? The last thing she said is she was not happy and she was going to California because she could be happy with her bio family. I texted her today and the following is a Poem she sent me that I am printing with her permission.
My phone lights up with a text message from my mom.
Do tell me the truth it will not hurt my feelings have you found the happiness you were looking for?
Closing my eyes I was shocked at her question ,
At the sudden depth of the question,
I mean how does some one answer a question like that?
I though back to the moment I got off the plane and to now and I wrote back,
Honestly...am I truly happy? No not exactly but am I miserable no. I would say content but not happy.
When I say content I mean
Getting use to my dad coming home stale beer memories breathing from his lips as he tells me lies,
Use to my brothers disappearing like magicians never revealing their true wereabouts,
Because a good magician never reveals their secrets,
Use to the fights outside my bed room door,
Afraid to enter the boxing ring my self I find my self being the referee,
Holding up the hand of the winner and crying with the other,
But then there are milliseconds of happiness that sneak up on us,
Of laughing and jokes,
Of true happiness,
Those are the millaseconds that I hold on to,
I store them in my brain for emergencies,
But its okay,
I am going to be okay,
Because I found what I was looking for,
As I walk the halls of my memories that are shaking at the locked doors screaming to get out,
I see her the little girl I lost a long time ago,
I see her clutching her bear and runing through the doors,
Fighting the monsters that hid in her head,
All while smiling,
she is the little girl who is showing me how to be stronger,
To be happy again no matter what gets thrown at us ,
No matter what's behind those doors,
She is me ,
And she is hope.
Do tell me the truth it will not hurt my feelings have you found the happiness you were looking for?
Closing my eyes I was shocked at her question ,
At the sudden depth of the question,
I mean how does some one answer a question like that?
I though back to the moment I got off the plane and to now and I wrote back,
Honestly...am I truly happy? No not exactly but am I miserable no. I would say content but not happy.
When I say content I mean
Getting use to my dad coming home stale beer memories breathing from his lips as he tells me lies,
Use to my brothers disappearing like magicians never revealing their true wereabouts,
Because a good magician never reveals their secrets,
Use to the fights outside my bed room door,
Afraid to enter the boxing ring my self I find my self being the referee,
Holding up the hand of the winner and crying with the other,
But then there are milliseconds of happiness that sneak up on us,
Of laughing and jokes,
Of true happiness,
Those are the millaseconds that I hold on to,
I store them in my brain for emergencies,
But its okay,
I am going to be okay,
Because I found what I was looking for,
As I walk the halls of my memories that are shaking at the locked doors screaming to get out,
I see her the little girl I lost a long time ago,
I see her clutching her bear and runing through the doors,
Fighting the monsters that hid in her head,
All while smiling,
she is the little girl who is showing me how to be stronger,
To be happy again no matter what gets thrown at us ,
No matter what's behind those doors,
She is me ,
And she is hope.
So I Texted her back and told her that she always had a place to live and she could bring the little girl with her that she would be safe here.
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