Going from childless to parent has been trying at times. I grew up taking of care horses, cows, puppies, but kids, never. Once at a Wednesday night service, the question was asked, "How old were you and did you think you were old enough when you first had kids?" I raised my hand and said 46. I figured I was old enough to know what it was all about being that old and training up kids. Had to be like training horses. Make the wrong things hard to do and make the correct things easy.
Well then there was the time, Patti left me with our first granddaughter, age 1, and said I had better change her diaper when she needed it. I told Patti she'd better hurry home cause I wasn't doing it. I was 50 years old and hadn't changed a diaper and I saw no reason to break my record. Of course I changed her when necessary. It only took 4 rolls of toilet paper, 2 boxes of wipes, 3 trash bags, 2 diapers, but I got it done. And what does Patti say to me when she gets home and sees my major accomplishment, "it's on backwards." Seriously, there's a difference? It's on, that's all I cared about.
I've learned that what I cared about before (pride)really has no bearing on how my kids feel.
What I have learned is a whole new type of blessings from being a Dad to many. Like being injured at work and laid up for two years, but getting to spend everyday watching my infant son grow up. Or holding my 19 year old son, who is as big as me, when he learned his biological mom had passed away. Or watching 3 2 year olds play together, then all three need a diaper change at the same time. Watching babies that are supposedly MR or deaf turn into the loudest and smartest kids. Course it also changed my whole relationship with God, too. I figured that I couldn't raise a child without Him, so I better go to church and hopefully be a better dad listening to my Father in heaven. Well I'm still learning to be better and I'm still being blessed in ways unknown to me before.
After Patti told me about wanting to foster kids, and talking with Pastor Bill, I told Patti I didn't want to because I didn't want to lose one because if I loved one it would break my heart. And I didn't need that heartache. But I've learned that if you don't love them and don't have heartache when they leave, then you heart was never right in the first place